Jaded
by Omittchi
Summary: A mildly shounen-ai story on one of the DD's thoughts on love lost. Please R&R!


  
Disclaimer/Warning: Okay, I do not own digimon. If I did I wouldn't be a fanfic author,   
I'd be a billionaire living it up in Japan. The characters aren't mine, they belong to whoever   
made them and whoever has the rights to them The story, however, is mine.. This story is mildly   
shounen-ai,but not really. If you are not into that stuff don't read it. There is nothing graphic  
about it because I wasn't up to the task. If you have any questions, comments, concerns, or   
anything you can email me, Shitenshi, at Xellos01@linainverse.net Thankyou for reading and   
enjoy, if you can, this angsty fic.  
  
Jaded  
  
Everlasting love. It sounds nice doesn't it? But, does love really last forever?   
How many times did I listen to him promise me eternity? How many times did I listen to her say   
she'd wait for me that long? I am living proof that there is no such thing as everlasting love.   
Yes, I am jaded, but who wouldn't be. The two people who promised me their hearts forever left   
me. I would've understood if it were for someone else, someone I didn't know. Unfortunately they   
vowed to love each other forever. Imagine how foolish I felt when I found out he dumped me for   
her! Oh how my heart shattered when I saw those two together. To add insult to injury they   
invited ME to their wedding. A terribly painful slap to the face! "They meant no harm by it."   
T.K. said. He's still so young, so full of life, so innocent. He'd never understand. The fact is   
they did mean harm by it. They wanted me dressed up, gave me an important role, and let me sit   
at that wonderful table with them, just so everyone could see what a fool I have been. I got   
them back for that insult! When it was my turn to speak on the lovely married couple's behalf   
I let them know my true feelings about their wedding and about them. From then on I never once   
returned one of their phone calls. In fact, that little gathering of the former digidestined was   
the first time I've seen them in years. The others say I should just forgive and forget, but I   
can't. They've ruined me. I am grateful though. They taught me that there is no such thing as   
love. I am grateful for that. To think, this all started in summer camp. That's where I met   
them, that's where I fell in love. Yes, both the real world and the digital world were in   
trouble, but I didn't care. I had problems of my own. I loved him, but couldn't tell him, or   
wouldn't tell him. She loved me and chased me as such. That was scary. Thinking back on it all,   
I can't help but wish it were someone else. All the friends, the fame, the digimon, the adventure,   
I'd trade it all in to forget. No memory is worth the pain of a broken heart. Back then, when   
I was young, I used to wonder about love a lot. What is love? Is love real? What's it like to be   
loved? I can answer all those questions now. Love is nothing but pain and torture. No, love is   
not real. Being loved is the worst thing in the world. I'd rather have Ken's past memories of   
being the Digimon Emporer than these memories of having loved and lost. Whoever said that to   
have loved and lost is better than to never have loved at all is a big idiot! Obviously they have  
never loved and lost or they'd change their tune fast. I hate them both so much, it's no wonder   
my crest stopped glowing. I don't believe in love, but I did get married. I married a wonderful   
girl, but I don't love her. I married her because of my father's constant pushing. We had a child   
because he wanted to be a grandfather. I do care about the child. If nothing else, he is my life.   
I live for nothing else but him. He is the reason I don't give up and blow my brains out. I care   
for no one but him. She tells me she loves me, I tell her the truth. I know she hates hearing it,   
but I don't want to lie to her. It's not fair. I'll let her leave. I'll gladly sign the papers   
and set her free. I know she'll take my son, but what can I do? I know she's upset that I don't   
fight her on the divorce issue. I don't care though. I'd rather live alone than live a lie with   
someone I have no feelings for. Tears sting my eyes as I stare down into my shot glass. Slender   
fingers brush a strand of hair from my face. Such a gentle touch. Not quick or forceful, but   
strong enough to startle me. I gasp and look up. It's him. I frown and take a drink. He's staring   
at me with eyes that see through the mask of apathy I wear. Eyes that can see my inner pain. He   
used to be my safe haven, the one I ran to for comfort and protection. The one I gave myself to   
freely. I loved him so much. "What do you want?" I ask breaking the ice wall between us.   
"I came to see you." he says and smiles. I laugh bitterly as he sits down beside me.   
"Just leave." I state coldly. "Not until you hear me out." I look blankly at him and concede,   
what else can I do. "We did what we did because we thought it was right. We never meant to hurt   
you. If we had known it hurt you so much we would've never-" "Never what!?" I interrupt him,   
"Never would've gotten married!? If it's anything less than that it wouldn't have mattered,   
we'd still be having this conversation." He sighs in exasperation, running a hand through his   
hair. I watch him as he does it. When we were younger I used to love playing with his hair, it   
was always so soft and smelled like peaches. He looks at me and frowns. "What are you thinking   
about?" he asks casually. "The past." I answer. His frown deepens as he stares into my sad eyes.  
"We both know it would've never worked out!" he starts. "No, that's only what you thought. You   
never cared to try. If things didn't come easily you gave up. That's just the way you are. That's  
why you married her, because life with her would be easy." I interrupt again. "That's not the   
reason! I love her! I promised her I'd--" "You promised ME you'd always love me!" I've wounded   
him, I can see it in his eyes as he stands to leave. I'm glad he hurts. What he feels now is only  
a small portion of what I feel everyday. He'll run home to her and she'll make the pain go away.  
I'll go home and ache more than ever. He looks at me as he opens the door and prepares to leave.   
"I love you Tai." he says finally. "There is no such thing as love, Matt. You and Sora taught me   
that." A tear rolls down his face as I turn back around. "I don't ever want to see either of you   
again." I state silently, coldly. No one hears it though, the door has closed and he is gone.   
He's left and with him he has taken what was left of me. My heart will always be his. My heart,   
my soul, my body, my life, and me. He owns it all, because unlike him I'm good at keeping   
promises. I made him that promise when I first gave him me. I put my head on the table as the   
bar tender poors me another shot and begin to cry.  
  
So, what did you think? Poor Tai, I know, I know. I was just real upset that Matt   
married Sora and since I'm a big yaoi fan I wanted to tell what I thought Tai felt on this   
situation. I don't know why I picked Tai though. I identify more with Matt. This was my first   
fic ever written about digimon. My first fic ever completed and hopefully first fic ever on the   
net. Hopefully I'll have others that end on a happier note. What do you think, should I write   
one from Matt's POV and get him and Tai back together? Anyways feel free to email me on what you   
thought of the story. Your comments are greatly appreciated so I can write a better story. Ja ne! 


End file.
